Monster
by Zarayna
Summary: It is the night before the most important battle of Zarayna's life. Can he calm the berserk side of him? or will the beast inside of him drive him to madness.


**Disclaimer:** The setting (Southern continent), Helryx, and the Order of Mata Nui, belong to the Lego Group. The song, Monster, is property of Skillet.

**Monster**

_The secret side of me, I never let you see  
I keep it caged but I can't control it  
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly  
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it  
_  
Zarayna paced restlessly around the Toa Iden's makeshift camp on the southeast shore of the southern continent. Since he knew that there would be no way for him to sleep on the night before the most important battle of his life, he had volunteered to take all hours of sentry duty. Tomorrow would be the day he—at last—faced the accursed leader of the Order of Mata Nui, Toa Helryx. The one who had caused so much suffering, agony and pain in his life. There was another reason for his vigil too. A darker reason. He had to do what he always had to do before a major battle. Calm the berserker part of him. It was almost like a monster in times like this. It was a constant problem that he knew no way of solving. Although no one knew this, Zarayna had more Shadow in his being then any other Toa. It was the reason for his Dark Side. His berserk side.

_It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls  
It comes awake and I can't control it  
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head  
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?  
_  
Then he heard it. A voice. His Dark side, silently speaking to him. Calling out to him. _**Give in, Zarayna. Thou canst not hold me off forever. Thou wilt fall. Become what thou wert made to be. A monster.**_ It said in its cold, heartless voice. _No! I. I am a Toa!_ Zarayna cried out silently in return. He had been through this conversation countless times. Every single time it would end the same way. With him managing to contain it temporarily. But it always came back. Was there no way to end it?

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster_

I, I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster  
  
_But I don't want it to be gone for a bit. I want it gone forever._ He thought miserably. But his Dark side answered him. sneering at him. Baiting him. _**I will never be gone, Zarayna. Although thou mayest banish me from thy mind a thousand times over, I shalt return each time to torment thee.**_ Zarayna clapped a hand over his mouth before he could cry out. It was the only thing he could do to stop himself from screaming. he hated it. Hated being split in two like this.  
_  
My secret side I keep hid under lock and key  
I keep it caged but I can't control it  
'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down  
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?_  
He staggered into the woods that bordered their camp. In times of extreme stress (like now) his sonic power would start to get out of hand, and the last thing he wanted was his team finding out about his twisted inner turmoil. _**That's right Zarayna. Keep it to thyself. The others cannot help thee. No one can. Thou art alone. Give in to thine rage. Think of what Helryx hath done to thee and thine. Let thy rage consume thee. It is thy only hope of winning.**_ Again his Dark side taunted him. _But I can't give in. Not this time._ He mentally yelled at himself. The stakes were far too high.  
_  
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster_

_**What stakes? Revenge? Thou wilt go into battle on the morrow for one reason and one reason only. To take revenge on those who hath hurt thee. To brake the Code even further. Yes Zarayna, I know thy motives. I know everything about thee. I know how you tortured the agent almost to the point of death. You cannot deny the facts Zarayna. Thou broke the code that day, Zarayna**_ The voice continued to taunt. _No! I wasn't not doing that! I was merely mating out justice. Nothing more._ He screamed again. But he didn't even sound convincing to himself. The voice knew that too. _**Justice? It sneered. What justice would thou mate out, Zarayna? None. Thou wilt take thy revenge on her. Thou wilt slay her in what you call revenge.**_ It sneered at him. Its voice was full of contempt and disgust.  
_  
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster_

Then it turned more serious. _**Why dost thou call thyself a Toa, if thou canst not even live up to that title?**_ It said to him. Zarayna winced. He had so many mental scars, and his Other Side knew every one of them. And how to hit them just right.

"Go away. Just leave me." He gasped out, his mask was streaked with tears. _**If thou wanteth me gone so bad, then there is a way.**_ It said. Zarayna could only nod dumbly. _**Take thine sword. And drive it into thyself. It will end it all. All thy pain and misery. All thy torment. **_  
_  
It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp  
There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart  
No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream  
Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster_

Zarayna almost obeyed him. His sword was in his hands, posed with the point touching his chest. He was beginning to steel himself to drive the Katana into him. To end it all. _To end it all. Including your status as a Toa. The body of a Toa who dies like this is burned, and his ashes are scattered. He is regarded as a coward and a disgrace, and you know it. Is this the end you want?_ His good side. His sane side screamed at him. His face contorted with agony. Whether to end it all, or to life in torment. In the end his light side won. Barely. With a inaudible scream he threw his sword away. It flew though the darkness and slam into a rock, the blade snapping off six inches above the hilt. But he was not there to see it. He was running through the forest as fast as he could.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
_  
Finally Zarayna stopped his stumbling run. He was far out of earshot now. Even his sonic power couldn't amplify his voice that much. He was free. A Scream of agony—audible and unrestrained this time—burst from his lips. In an instant he was surrounded by a crackling inferno of whitish sonic energy. After about ten minutes of his form of 'letting off steam' the surrounding forest looked like a dozen tanks had crashed though it.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I've gotta lose control, he something radical  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
_  
He felt utterly exhausted. But content, the voice had ceased. Just as it always did. Zarayna stumbled back to the camp and woke up one of his companions to take over the watch. He finally crashed down on his bedroll. His last thoughts before drifting off to sleep were about his Dark side. He had defeated it for the time being, but it would return. In his heart he knew that it would never leave. Then darkness took him. The darkness of a peaceful sleep—the first he had gotten in a very long time.

_I, I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster_


End file.
